Allowing Creations to Come Through Us
I recently got back from a retreat led by Elizabeth Gilbert, the author of one of my favorite books, Big Magic. What drew me to the book was the way in which she describes humans as vessels through which ideas and inspiration flow. When I read the book years ago it deeply struck me, but I didn’t know how to go about incorporating it into my life. Ok, yes, many artists like Mozart have had full masterpieces enter their minds, but how would a “normal” person like me do that? I think that’s why this retreat intrigued me. After years of experimenting with this question, I wanted to hear directly from Elizabeth (or Lizzy as she likes to be called).
“To Me”
Before sharing what I learned at the retreat (an experience I’ll never forget), let me rewind back in time. I was leaving my job at Lyft where I had started to feel a loss of power and control. I started working at Lyft a few years out of college as the 20th employee, and now as the company had grown to 2,500 people I felt like my role as Director of Strategy wasn’t “big enough.” I felt like the company was hiring in people above me and that my ideas weren’t being heard (it’s embarrassing to say now, but it’s true). As my close friend and collaborator, Alice Chen, would say, “I was viewing the world as happening to me.” I was in a victim mindset. But Alice also showed me then that there were other ways I could view the world. I could see the world as being created “by me” and I could also see the world as happening “through me.”
“By Me”
“By me” sounded like an empowering stance, so I decided to leave the job and see what would happen if I was able to fully make my own decisions in life— and boy did I do that. Freedom was my north star. I traveled internationally on my own for three months. I helped launch Redesign Health, where I could be my own boss through creating businesses like Lively (now called Jabra Hearing after an acquisition)—until I didn’t have the ability to control my time any longer, at which point I left and started my own company (Sagra). I actively rejected anyone who tried to tell me what to do. After seven years of embracing the “by me” mindset, I started to wonder if it had its limits. I had just gone through the difficult process of unwinding Sagra, and in that experience I saw how the unrestrained ambition that came with my “by me” mindset didn’t necessarily result in happiness for myself or others.
I remembered Alice’s voice from years ago, letting me know that I could see the world as happening to me, by me, or through me. I had given the first two options a full run, so I thought that I might as well give the third one a try. So here I sat, one month after unwinding my business, in my first silent meditation retreat at Spirit Rock where I would sit for the next five days.
“Through Me”
What I immediately noticed was that a surprising amount goes on inside me even when I am not doing anything. The images, ideas, and thoughts swirling in my mind while sitting on my meditation cushion were constant. Rather than doing what I had done most of my life, which was to try to quiet or distract my mind, I began to listen to what was there. I didn’t really have another option—those thoughts weren’t going away, and I had five days to go. What I first found inside was a lot of discomfort—physical pain in my neck, boredom, and a desire to be doing something else. Yet, interspersed in there were also many new and surprising discoveries. There were moments of deep satisfaction while doing nothing. There were song melodies. There were fresh perspectives on how I would like to spend my days when I got home. As the days went on, these spontaneous insights began to grow as the discomfort diminished. I began to see that the more comfortable I could be with doing “nothing”, the more that space revealed to me. Any time I tried to push or control an outcome (the “by me” mindset), those spontaneous insights and moments of satisfaction would fade.
My mind kept trying to figure out what to do with this discovery, but “doing” seemed to be the problem. This conundrum is what ultimately brought me to Elizabeth Gilbert’s workshop. I wanted to understand how I could do and act while still remaining present and open to the wisdom I experienced when sitting still. Little did I know that all the answers were already laid out in her book, Big Magic, that I had read seven years earlier, and in the words of my friend Alice who showed me that the world can happen “through me.” But just as Santiago in The Alchemist had to travel the world to discover all he needed was already there for him at home, I too needed to learn the lesson for myself.
So, let’s bring this full circle…what did I take away from Lizzy’s retreat? My biggest insight was this—start by doing whatever you need to do to hear inspiration (which in my case is often seated meditation, but my first and second posts on the inner voice share other examples). This space is where all of Lizzy’s books come from. As she said, “If you liked Eat, Pray, Love or Big Magic, you should thank the 45 minutes a day I spend sitting in silence in my green chair by the window.” Then, once you hear inspiration, allow it to come through you into the world by taking the next available action in service of it. In Lizzy’s case, that means writing down what she hears in books and articles (as you can see in her Letters from Love). I view this ability to turn inspiration into reality as one of our greatest gifts as humans on this earth. I am so grateful to live my life in service of what is coming through me (the topic of my next post).
In Practice:
Where in your life do you views things as happening “to you”, “by you”, or “through you”? What do you discover when you try on a new perspective?
For Further Reading:
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
